Rambles.

Do you ever have one of those days where you feel defeated? Like everything that you have worked hard at in some way or another is just not panning out? Well, I've had quite a few of those days, but this week i had a hat trick. It seemed liked the last three days of this week I just felt like the emotional progress I had made took a stand still. I'm not quite ready to write about my emotional issues just yet, even though they are pretty public, something about writing them makes it seem, well more permanent.

Today, I literally did nothing productive. Unless you count plucking my eyebrows and then watching Supernatural. I didn't want to be social, and I didn't even make myself go to the gym. I didn't have to be at work until six this evening, but for some reason the world scared me today.

I had nothing to write about. No, that's a lie. I have PLENTY to write about, but the words were missing. Having this challenge of blogging daily is nice, because it is a challenge. You do have to make time, and put the effort in. I wasn't going to not post, I promised myself I would. I decided today I would post a ramble. I wouldn't be ashamed of how I felt, or hide it, I would just let it out. This is my blog after all, I can post what I choose.

I am a determined being. I try hard and do work for things that I want, and more than likely, I succeed. I know that I can do things that I put my mind to, and make things work for me. I am human, however and I forget that sometimes. I put these ridiculous expectations on myself because I think that is how everyone should be. I want to lose 27 pounds, but I would like to do that in as little time as possible. I forget that I do need food to survive, and even if I spend those two hours in the gym that it is not going to happen over night. I need to pace myself, eat healthy, exercise and it will come off naturally. I've lost about 25 pounds thus far. Heart break was kind to be that way.

My point being that I cannot expect to feel good, to do things right, or to be a winner 100% of the time. I have to give myself a break, take a breath, stay in bed all day and watch Supernatural every so often so that I can recharge.

It is OK to be broken, just be willing to put yourself back together. Piece by piece. No matter how long it takes.