I'm 27 and strive to be a Terminator, but I'll settle for a screenwriter instead. Spokane resident, nerd, an "eccentric who looks good in jeans."

Friday, September 9, 2016

I dated a pedophile for 3 years... and didn't know it.

I realize it has been about 2 years since this blog has been alive, and I have so much that has changed in my life, and things I need to share, but this... This has been on my mind, in my dreams, and subconscious for a month or so now, and I really need to write it out. So. Here goes.

I was a mere 23 year old. Super awkward, didn't know who I was, basically living in a shell.
I had lost around 60 pounds at that point in my life, so the 300 pound girl, turned into a 220-230 pound girl. I wasn't sure how to function, I was always the big girl, and even though I wasn't skinny by any means, I still was a significant amount smaller than usual.
I was attending film school, which was the coolest thing about me at the time.
I took classes on writing comic books, which lead me to local comic shops looking for certain graphic novels/comics. I Hesitantly walked into one downtown. I was reluctant just because the other comic shops employees were dicks to me, and I didn't want to deal with that again.
I was pleasantly surprised. These guys were awesome. One in particular wanted to know my interests, and would tell me ones he thought I should read.
This was not the boy I was interested in, the one I liked wore orange, had brown hair, wasn't skinny, but wasn't a big dude either. He was a nerd, and I liked that. He however, did not give me the time of day. I'm not quite sure what made me get the idea that asking him out to coffee was a good plan, but I did it. After an intense round of Magic the Gathering, (he was a judge) I walked over and asked him to have coffee with me. He accepted, gave me his number and told me to meet him there the very next night. Wow. I asked a dude out and he said yes.
I had a day of anxiety, nerves, wanting to back out, wondering what to wear, what to talk about, etc. I finally went back to the shop and he confessed he didn't drink coffee, but I was cute. We walked around Downtown Spokane for a couple of hours, just talking. He was a tad cryptic at times, and he wouldn't really tell me anything without being mysterious. It was interesting to me, and I wanted more. He walked me to my car, and asked for my number. I told him he had to make arrangements for date two if he was interested.
He was.
Two dates and I had myself a boyfriend.
I will use that term very lightly.
During the three years we were together I learned practically nothing about him. We saw each other once a week for a few hours if I was lucky, he would rarely call me, and he didn't return or start texts.
The normal girl would have peaced out, but I was thinking change was going to come. I would be pissed at him, and he would do something that could pass as "boyfriendy" and I would forgive him.
Our 6th month anniversary my mom passed away. I hadn't heard from him for days, and trying to get ahold of him on that particular day seemed impossible. It got to the point where my best friend almost had to call him at work. He went to work for a couple hours. A COUPLE OF HOURS. In this time, my mom had died, and I was a mess. He came and got me and took me to dinner and a movie. I was crying hysterically the entire date and looked insane. I made him meet my dad that night, cause he refused to meet my parents.
From that day forward I was not the same girl. I struggled. A lot. My mom and I were insanely close, and I took this loss hard. I would text the boy to let him know I needed him and got nothing in return.
Once again, I am kind of an idiot. I held up hope. I thought I would be the one to change him, to make him try. If I did all the great girlfriend things, he would want to be the best boyfriend. I would bring him lunch at work, get him random gifts, drive downtown to see him every week. I texted him cute things, and was possibly the greatest girlfriend of all time. It didn't matter. I didn't know why, but I wasn't even making a dent.
He spent a lot of time with the Boy Scouts, he said he was a leader, his dad and brother were also involved. He "big brothered" for quite a few kids. I always felt like that was a little more important than it should be, but it was an honorable thing. He was good with kids. Always a good sign.
Shit would get weird sometimes. He showed up to my house with a bloody nose and busted lip one day because the boy he had been letting stay with him got upset. Or at least that is what he told me.
The boy staying with him was a really weird thing too. He had a mom, and I'm not exactly sure what happened. I was never even allowed in his house, so I never saw how that living arrangement worked.
I had to fight for attention. I was never good enough. No matter what I did.
There was a girl he would talk about, and I was jealous of her. She seemed to be getting the attention that I needed, and deserved. He would brush it off, tell me I was hot and she was weird. End of conversation. He ended up breaking up with me in an Applebees parking lot and started dating her almost immediately. Her and I are friends now, so there's no hard feelings, especially with what we learned about him. 
This break up nearly broke me. My first experience with what I thought was love, just trashed. I had a huge rough patch. Probably about six months or so, I was a complete basket case. For that time he strung me along like a puppet. We would see each other, have coffee and he would tell me things like "don't disappear" and " I want you in my life" but was dating someone else, and obviously didn't give a shit about me. This break up also made me realize I didn't fully deal with my moms death, and I dealt with everything all at once. I got myself into counseling as soon as I could. I decided to change. I decided to color my hair, lose weight, and become a better version of myself. I did all of those things. Lost 60 pounds, started running, gained all sorts of confidence. I even write this while sitting on the couch next to my fiancĂ© and puppy, things I never expected to have. 
It wasn't until two or three years after our relationship ended that I learned about his extra curricular activities. Turns out he was uploading kiddie porn, selling it, and he had molested boys in the past.
He had pictures of boys as young as 4 on his laptop. I do not know if he was in the photos or not, and I frankly don't care. He is the worst kind of person.
People were defending him, like there was a mistake. Too bad he admitted to the cops that everything was true, but still pleaded not guilty.
There was so much wrong in this relationship, and I now know why. It was never me. He used me as a cover. He used every girl he ever dated as one. It wasn't anything about any of us. He dated some really awesome ladies. I've gotten drunk and had pizza with them. 
I have checked lately, and he doesn't seem to be in jail in Spokane that I can find. I'm not sure why he isn't, cause he's gross and needs to be. I'm so sad that he soured my first boyfriend experience. 
I'm also extremely disappointed in myself for letting some treat me like that for so long. For not knowing what kind of person I wanted to share my life with. 


There is so much more I could post about this, and I might one day. 
I still feel so betrayed and violated. 
Let alone stupid and ashamed. 

I have actually started and stopped writing a book about this many times. 
It may seem silly, but getting it all out is therapy. 
My first book will not be about this asshole. 

He doesn't deserve that.
 
 

Sunday, October 26, 2014

PAC CON

This past weekend I was apart of PAC CON.  For the first time as a comic book writer, I got to sit on panels and talk about what I do, why I do it, and how amazing it is.

I felt a little out of place at first. I was on panels with writers. People who write novels, graphic novels, web comics, or fan fiction. Why was I up there talking about the two comics and several screenplays I have done? What gives me the right to be up there too?

I started writing comics because it was fun, I got asked to, and I felt like I was apart of something bigger than me. I have kept writing because I genuinely love it. I would absolutely love to get a job writing for an indie comic publisher. I feel like I would fit in there.

It's so crazy to think of how life has changed for me over the years.

I wanted to direct horror movies. I wanted to be behind the camera. Now I want to write them, make my story alive on the screen. I want to write comics, and be apart of this nerd culture that I hold so close to my heart.

I have a lot to learn, but I know I'm on the right track.

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Thank You Note

I wrote this for my current boyfriend, and with his permission, I have decided to post it here. I'm really in love with this piece of writing, as I am with this boy. Enjoy.





I want to write a thank you note:

Thank you for breaking my heart. Thank you for dating me for three years, with zero intention of making any sort of commitment to me, and not telling me about it. Thank you for spending as little time as you could muster with me. Thank you for seconding me to Magic: The Gathering.  Thank you for telling me my feelings were stupid. Thank you for putting little to no effort into my birthdays, Christmas, Valentines Day, and especially New Years. Thank you for making someone more important than me, even when I was your girlfriend. Thank you for making me hold onto my virginity. Thank you for rarely telling me I was beautiful. Thank you for never saying I love you.

I want to write another thank you note:

Thank you for listening. Thank you for texting me all day. Thank you for Facetime conversations almost every night. Thank you for watching my favorite movie and eating my favorite pizza. Thank you for making me feel whole again. Thank you for being my boyfriend. Thank you for using pet names. Thank you for kissing me in public. Thank you for my first hickey. Thank you for the flowers. Thank you for smelling so nice. Thank you for talking to my daddy. Thank you for being who you are. Thank you for making me feel like marriage is possible. Thank you for making me a sap. Thank you for telling me your phone pass code. Thank you for almost crying at the airport. Thank you for being on my mind constantly. Thank you for being husband material. Thank you for wanting to be with me regardless of my size. Thank you for loving my hair. Thank you for having amazing arms. Thank you for being persistent, even when I had doubts. Thank you for buying me comic books. Thank you for being gross with me.  Thank you for letting me feel the burning my insides kind of love for you. Thank you telling me I’m beautiful. Thank you for being understanding. Thank you for waiting. Thank you for knowing exactly what I’m thinking or what I’m going to say. Thank you for the Good Morning Beautiful text messages on the daily. Thank you for being ok with me being a starving artist. Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for saying I love you. Thank you for saying it first.


When it comes down to it, I couldn’t have the last thank you note, without the first one.

Thursday, July 31, 2014

Rock Bottom Series. New Years.

Rock Buttom Series One: New Years


You have to hit rock bottom before climbing back to the top again.
This is a hard lesson to learn, and I, my friends, have learned it.

2013 basically sucked.

I should have known from New Years Eve that year, since usually New Years Eve sets the tone for the whole year.
If you couldn't tell, that night was horrible. The "at the time" boyfriend had to work (even though I think he did this on purpose) so i was used to spending most of the night alone, and would get my kiss at midnight, then go home. Alone.
I did this for three years, so I shouldn't be surprised when 2013 did the same. I got my kiss, and went home. Alone. Except, this time I wanted him to stay the night with me. I thought I had him convinced, but then when I left his work place I didn't hear from him. Texted him, nothing. I actually didn't hear from him for days after.
This was an on going theme.. but we won't get into that now.

2014 I brought in the New Year drunk with wonderful friends. Probably the best New Year I have ever had. I got super sick that day, and was sick for the entire week. It was the worst cold ever, but I'm super glad that I experienced that day.

Now that 2014 is half gone, it makes me think about 2015, and New Years Eve.
I have recently fallen in love with a boy ( I KNOW) and embarked on a long distance relationship.
This is how it has worked.
He "courted" me for months. We talked all day, everyday before he came to visit me.
I didn't want to make things official until I met him, in person. (He had asked me quite early on to be his girlfriend.)
He came for 4th of July weekend, and I'll tell you what, he was the most perfect human.
We spent the weekend meeting my friends, drinking beer, and eating whatever we wanted to.
When he left I knew I didn't want him to go. I cried. A lot.
We made plans for me to go see him in October. I purchased my plane tickets already, and I'm so anxious and excited.
In October we will make plans for him to visit me again, and so on....

I want to bring in 2015 with this boy. I can think of no better way to do it.

It will be like my first New Years Eve with a boyfriend again.
A boyfriend who wants to spend time with me.
Who will kiss me at midnight
 and will go home with me

 so him and I can be alone.

Let's do this 2015

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

SPOKANE COMICON

Offically announcing that I will be there.

Jeremy and I will have a table, actually the best table, D1.

I get a badge, which I've never had before for anything.

SK8RZ, our newest comic endeavor is being unveiled that day.

COME GET COMICS FROM US.


Have I mentioned I'm excited about this?

SO EXCITED.

SEE YOU ON MAY 31st!

Monday, April 14, 2014

Supernatural Send Out

So, remember that one time where I wrote an episode of Supernatural for a class and it was rad?

Ok, well I maybe a little biased.

With season 10 approaching, and potentially their last, I decided I couldn't sit on this anymore.

What did I do, you ask?

While in school, my screenwriting professors made it really clear that even if we are in the age of digital and email, it is always most professional to physically send out your screenplay. Get yourself a THREE HOLE PUNCHER (PSYCH reference) brad it together, and send it out.

I went to Walmart and purchased the adult things like the three hole puncher, brads, and a printer, since my died a while ago.

I printed out two copies of the script. One to send to the Hollywood crew, and one to send to the Vancouver Crew. With International shipping costs, that one will be like 40 bucks to send out, but well worth it.

This could be the key to everything, or absolutely nothing. I've decided that I need to start taking risks for what I want. I want to write for TV, movies, and comic books, and I can't do that just thinking about it in my bedroom.

I'm sure every fan girl absolutely hates me right now, but once again. WORTH IT.

If i could write on Supernatural for their last season, my life would be complete. The chances are small, seeing as they tend to keep the same writers per season, but I'm, hopeful. I'm passionate, I'm "ballsy".

Wish me luck through this endeavor!

I'm absolutely terrified, but I gotta start somewhere, right?

Sunday, April 6, 2014

I don't wanna be anything other than… me

I've lost 45 pounds.

I went to ECCC and had a blast.

I'm working with comics again, and I couldn't be happier.

There can only be good things that will be happening in my near future, and I'm just so excited.

I'm going to turn this blog into more of a professional outlet, until I can figure out how to get a website up and running. I'm going to go back to posting writing on here, and even try to get my first comic up, as well as the new one when it is finished.

May 31st is Spokane Comicon, so EVERYONE i know should come out to support the book.

I'll be getting my facebook back soon (boo) to start to plug the book and the kickstarter!

Hope everyone is doing well, and I look forward to posting awesome new stuff soon!

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Back to Comics!

I had a wonderful meeting with Jeremy (the comic artist friend) last Thursday. Any coffee date that starts with "let's make comics" is bound to be a good one.

We sat down and decided that we wanted to make a comic for Spokane Comicon, which is May 31st. He wanted something new and fresh, something that we both had say upon in creating, and I had a wonderful idea. So, while we are talking, he sketches some rad characters, and that is it. We had our story.

With only 12 weeks until the convention, he made me a list of deadlines, which is great because I'm really good with deadlines.

I missed writing comics, and I think I missed writing in general. To go sit at Starbucks with my laptop and a ginormous cup of coffee, to plug in my headphones and zone out, doing nothing but writing was AMAZING. I'm so fortunate to have made this wonderful friend who wants to make comics with me.

He also thinks we can really do this. Like, make a living off of this. We have an amazing plan which includes a KickStarter, to make our lives comic filled and epic.

I'll keep this blog updated with comic news.

I'm so excited about something again, and that is wonderful.

Sunday, February 2, 2014

Nerd Identity Crisis

I've spent a lot of time over the past few months trying to define, or redefine myself. I went through a bit of an identity crisis. My morals and values have stayed the same, and for the most part I'm the same person, but I guess I was more concerned with whether I fit in with a certain group or not.

Openly, I am a nerd. I read and write comic books, I obsess over certain movies and television shows, and I adore Wil Wheaton. I like Star Trek, Star Wars, Superheros, video games, (even though I rarely get to play them) action figures, and Conventions. I liked Supernatural way before Hot Topic carried the merchandise,  I went to film school, I can recite almost every episode of Psych, Jack Bauer is my hero

From this list, it is obvious where I fit in. There has been so much shit on the "fake geek girl" running around the Internet, and I got to thinking… maybe I'm not as nerdy as I think I am. This thought strain mainly from my breakup. I dated a boy who worked at a comic shop, and was a huge gaming nerd. I was never as nerdy as him, but I also vowed to never play Magic: The Gathering. Our relationship was filled with geeky things, we even had key chains that said "I Love You" and "I Know." I thought we were the perfect nerd couple, and getting out of it I see that obviously it wasn't perfect, but I never could compare with him. I couldn't compare to any of the girls who hit on him at the shop constantly, and even now I can't compare to his new girlfriend.

I compared my self so much to others that I forgot that I am the one that is important in this scenario. It is what I love that makes me a nerd. You can be a nerd for almost anything, I just happen to like a lot of what the nerd world has out there.

I know that it is silly to label yourself.

I've decided I do not give a shit. I am proudly a member of the geek community, and I will take that for what it is.

I have the Star Trek insignia tattooed on my chest, and I will wear it proud.

Geek girl out.


Saturday, January 18, 2014

Weight Loss. Achievement Unlocked.

As it turns out, I've achieved my first weight loss goal and have officially dropped 30 pounds. For me, this is extra good news. I have been working my butt off to see some sort of improvement, and I have. I've been going to the gym at least five times a week. I go for a little over an hour, in which I burn over 1000 calories. My food intake hasn't changed much, but I know that it needs to. Especially considering that I eat out way more than I should. I did however, give up soda. I haven't had one since August 1st, unless you could the little bit of ginger ale with whiskey. I also minimized my fast food intake, extremely. I've only had it a handful of times since August, and it wasn't a ton of it.

I tell you all of this, for no reason other than the fact that I am proud of myself and my progress. I still have a hard time seeing it in myself, although I did post a picture on instagram from July and now and I can sorta see it.




I started this weight loss because I was tired of feeling bad about myself. With being dumped, I had a huge purge in my self esteem, which wasn't that great to begin with. I'm now in a place where I am grasping my life, and doing things for me, not for anyone or that asshole of a boy I used to love. There is even a new boy I have taken interest in, and hopefully I will be able to track him down and give him my number soon.

All in all, I feel well. I'm also a living mantra of Mr. Feeny's "Do Good."


Wednesday, January 8, 2014

New Year.. New Direction

How in the world is it already 2014?

I feel like the majority of 2013 was completely stolen from me.

2014, I'm owning it.

I've decided to only better myself this year. I plan to make myself a better person, and to continue to learn and grow as a screenwriter. Also, as a person.

I plan to get my act together and start a brand new screenplay within the next few months. I'm also going to write it as if it was an assignment, or a job. I'm going to make myself have deadlines and due dates, and I'm going to stick to them. I always found when I had a due date, I was better about finishing the task.

I'm also going to start my job search seriously. This will be much easier when my dipolma is in hand, but I need to start looking and seeing what is out there, and where it is.

I'm not completely against relocation, but there are things that are keeping me where I am at. My dad for one, friends for another, and a general satisfaction with my town. I think that if I do end up in the Seattle area, or even Portland, I'd be ok too.

I'm excited to dive into this year, and see what I can teach myself.

I mean, just in a few months I shot myself into gear, and I've come so far.

Hold on, It's going to be one excellent ride.

Saturday, December 21, 2013

IPad and lulls


I got my ipad.
 
It came in the mail on Thursday, and I have spent the last couple of days playing with it. Probably one of the best purchases I have made. Especially since my laptop is out of commission right now. 

I haven't been able to daily blog for a couple of reasons. 
1. I can't get into my writing on my laptop currently. 
2. I've been pretty busy. With going to work, going to the gym, and attempting to be social, I haven't had the time to sit down and write. 

I've been really good about taking the time that I need to write daily, it's just the past week I've been feeling kind of in a lull. Maybe it's the time of the year, or just being busy. 

After the holiday, I plan to spend more time at Starbucks. Work hours will go down a little bit, which will let me write and search for jobs. 

I at least want to have a comic book completed by the end of January, and a new screenplay started. 


I guess those will be my New Years resolutions. 









Monday, December 16, 2013

Anger fuel

I've struggled with anger due to my broken heart for a while now, and I wasn't really doing anything with it, except letting it sink in and destroy the good parts in my life. It wasn't until recently when I decided to use this anger, use it for good and powerful things, that I noticed a change in my attitude. 

For example, today I dealt with student loan repayment plans. That in itself is a headache, but when they want your payments to be 711... It's way worse. Yes, seven hundred and eleven dollars. Monthly.
After talking with them and figuring things out, I was extremely frustrated. I wish I had my degree in hand, or that I could easily walk into a career, but it's harder than that. I decided to take my anger out at the gym. Best idea ever. 

Usually I go to the gym and work through what I'm feeling. I question why I'm feeling it, and if it's helpful to me. If it's not, I like to just explore it and (try) to let it go. 

My job situation will change. I will find something in my related field, or something that I love. Until that point, they will work with me on payments so I can pay on my loans and still afford to live. 

During my workout, I was focusing on this, and my future. I also unknowingly spent thirty minutes on one machine and burned over 500 calories. 

Dang. And hour and I burned my 1000. 
Workout done. 
It was so easy.
All because I was focused on a problem the entire time. 
The crazy thing? I left the gym feeling better, and even got a call for a job interview in the beginning of the new year. 

Anger fuels. 

It won't always run my life, or ignite such a fire, but for now. 

Burn it down. 

Sunday, December 15, 2013

Unfortunate laptop charger event

So my laptop charger died, and I'm trying to conserve my battery life, so I'm blogging from my phone. It's not so bad, I just don't have any of my files on my phone, so I can't really share any work for the time being. 
I should be receiving my ipad on Thursday, and then will get all the apps, and put my writing on it, so I'll be able to access it easier, and won't have to worry about my laptop for a while. I will buy a new charger, but with Christmas right by, it isn't feasable for me to purchase one. I found some on amazon for about 20 bucks which is way better than the 79 apple wants for them. 

I went out last night to celebrate my new found student-less status, and I had a wonderful time. I got drunk and had a wee bit of a hangover today, but it was totally worth it. Going out and having fun, forgetting all my troubles is something I don't do very well, so when it happens, it's really good. I even went to the gym today and burned my 1000 calories. 

Tomorrow is my day off, so I'm going to the doctor and doing some Christmas shopping. With any luck I'll find my brother something awesome, and slightly inexpensive seeing as I'm quite poor at the moment. 

I hope that tomorrow I actually have something more to blog than just about my day, but I feel like I would let myself down if I didn't at least write something! 

I'm going to watch Supernatural until I fall asleep. 

If I can end my day with the Winchesters, I'd say it's a win. 

Saturday, December 14, 2013

Comic book hopes and dreams

After my writing hiatus, I realized how much I enjoy writing comic books. Now, I've written three or four, and two of which were for classes. That is how I learned to write them, but I feel like the ones I wrote in class were super awesome, so I count them as real. I have a list of premise ideas, things that I can turn into comics at anytime, which is super helpful. If I feel like I have zero new ideas, I can go back to my old premise sheet and go from there.

This new comic that I sent off to Jeremy (Still waiting to hear if he likes it) is one that I'm really proud of. It isn't necessarily horror, but I still put my weird flare in it. I actually did write this one in class a few years ago, this was my first full length comic, and as nerve wracking as that was, I did pull off an A and even my professor told me I could do this as a living if I wanted to.

I'm thinking it would be awesome to have a booth at Spokane Comic Con again, to sit in the chair and feel important, seeing as last year I had to miss it due to extreme heart break and embarassment, It would be well worth the wait.


Maybe I'll even get myself a booth at Emerald City Comic Con one day.


Here's to hopes and dreams.

Friday, December 13, 2013

Short and not so sweet.

I've posted something everyday, and for the most part it has been fun and easy. Today on the other hand, is a different story. 

I've let my emotions get the best of me today. I've been pretty good, only having a few bad hours, rather than a few bad days, but sometimes it's hard to just, well deal. 

For me, my emotions can be tied to a lot of things, but writing is a big one. When my heart isn't it in, I can't produce anything worth reading. Which is where I'm at today. 


Good things are happening, and I have to remember that. I think I just need today to be for lack of a better word, emotional. 

Sorry you get emo me today, but at least you got something. And it's real, and hard but it's there.
 
To you:
Thanks for reading even when I'm a little down and out. Much appreciated. 

Thursday, December 12, 2013

Ominous

Today I'm going to share one of my favorite stories I have ever written. With this story I planned out a cast and even have a little bit of an idea where I would go with it for a full length screenplay.

The one thing I got criticized on the most was the fact that the couple said "I love you" too much. I did have a plan for this. There was an underlying meaning as to why they said it that much, but I didn't get the time to put it in. I plan to rewrite and make it better, and add more to the story, but this is the first draft. The one I fell in love with.

In case you were wondering, I put Rob Morrow in the spot of Paul, and Sarah Wayne Callies for Shayna. She was my choice from Prison Break, not from Walking Dead. Lori is the worst ever.


Please read and enjoy: Ominous








Premise: Shayna Miner is afraid of the dark. She has had this feat since she was four when her father was brutally murdered and her mother was attacked. Now, she is 28, married, and cant seem to shake the fear, and it is destroying her life and her marriage. On a routine evening, a man breaks into her house and makes her remember why she is afraid of the dark.

Message: The message in this story is “ When its dark, you can’t see who sees you.”

Central Question: Can Shayna get over her fear of the dark before it ruins her marriage and possibly ends her life?

Character Arc: Shayna decides that her fear is getting out of hand and wants to change it for her husband, Paul. She starts to change everything for him.







 Ominous


This was a night like any other in Lawrence, Kansas 1981. It was the middle of the night, and everyone in the town was asleep, everyone except the family that lived on Wellington Road. Inside the house, in the upstairs bedroom lays a little girl, Shayna, scared, crying and didn’t know what to do. She could hear the screeching coming for the room down the hall. She hides under her blanket, and tries to listen for something else.  Down the hall and to the left you find the parents room. There is a crack in the door where light shines through. Inside the room is a man standing by the bed, stabbing the father several times. The mother was scared and screaming, but out of fear could not move. After the father was dead, the man moved over to the mother, hitting her repeatedly with the other end of the knife until she passed out. The man went to exit the room, closed the door, and went down the hall frantically looking for the little girls room. Every door he passed he would throw open, and continue down the hallway. He finally got down to the last door on the right, and knew this had to be the one. He opened the door slowly, walking over to the bed. He pulled down the covers only to find no one in the bed. He started to walk out the door when he saw the closet. He pulls open the door forcefully, but no one was in it. He walks out of the room, goes down the stairs and out the front door. Shayna had hid under the bed until the man had left. She heard the front door close and ran down the hallway to see what had happened. She stands outside the door, “mommy, daddy?” She opens the door, and screams the most horrific scream that the city has ever heard.

            Present Day: “Dr. Miner, please report to curtain area three, Dr. Miner please report to curtain area three.” Shayna Miner comes rushing down the hallway, passing by injury and blood to get to curtain three. “Nancy, what is going on, I leave him here for five minutes and….” Nancy interrupted her before she could go on with too much of a tangent. “Shayna, calm down. The labs are back, Mr. Grey isn’t doing too well, His labs show stage two-lung cancer, and we knew that his was coming…. Shouldn’t you be out of here?” She asked in a concerned way. Shayna looked at her watch, then peeked outside to notice dusk. “Right, I will get out of here…take care for the night Mr. Grey, I will be back in the morning.” She turned, lipped thank you to Nancy, and was on her way to the staff room. She ran into the door, pushing it open with her weight. “Jules, hey, Mr. Grey Is declining, and I wanna see if we can do a surgery, I feel awful I didn’t catch it earlier, and I don’t…” Interrupted again, this time by Jules. “Shayna, its ok, I can get all the info from Nancy, you should really get going. I will see you tomorrow.” Slightly embarrassed, Shayna nodded her head and headed out of the room, passed all the sick and injured in the hallways. She exits the hospital, enters the parking garage to find her car. She looks at her watch, then looks outside. It’s getting dark earlier now. She finds her car, and drives to her house. The lights are on outside, and a few inside, just like she left it this morning. She unlocks the front door, and walks in bending down to pick up the mail that had made its way from the slot. She walks through the hallway, and on to upstairs passing by photos of her and her husband Paul from various occasions, birthdays, proms, wedding and various random photos. She heads to her closet, to pick out her most comfortable pair of sweats, and one of Paul’s sweatshirts. She changes and heads back downstairs to take place on the couch and not move for as long as possible.

            The sound of the key in the door makes a familiar sound, one that makes Shayna feel more comfortable. She knows that Paul is now home from work as well, and she can feel more at ease. “ Hey Shay, How was your day? I love you.” Saying all of this while managing the door and his briefcase. “Hey. Stressful, yours? I love you.” She responds back. Paul answers back trailing up the stairs, “I would have to say stressful as well, I’m going to change, we will talk in a minute” He loosens his tie, and gets to the bedroom. He comes back down, flipping off lights has he comes down the stairs. Shayna has a flashback of darkness, her dad’s body, and a scream. Paul’s entrance knocks her out of it and he sits next to Shayna on the couch, placing his arm around her, and she pulls in close laying her head on his chest. “ Mr. Grey is getting worse, his lungs are failing and I didn’t catch it in time. It was my responsibility, and everyone is making it sound ok. Its not ok.” Paul holds her closer, “You can’t blame yourself for that, you can’t control someone’s lungs, you did what you have to, and you are still doing what you can.” Shayna picks her head off of his chest and looks at him with a slight smile, “So, how was your day?” Paul pauses, “ One of my clients confessed to a crime today, I was not prepared for that, he is a good guy. He must have put on one Hell of a show for me, I thought he was innocent.” Shayna got a little closer to him, putting her head on his shoulder. “I guess the day really did suck for both of us. “ Paul responded with a laugh, and a receipt for from Rudy’s Pizzeria, he had ordered it before he left the office, and it was being delivered any minute.

            The doorbell rings, Paul gets up, grabs his wallet from the table for the tip, and goes to the door. He unlocks the door, opens it and a man stabs him in the chest, and makes his way into the door and goes straight for Shayna. She screams, but she cannot get up. She screams again. She is stabbed, and the man says, “Is this why you are afraid of the dark?” and keeps stabbing her. She sits up. She was dreaming. –Plot point one

                                                 Act II
            For Shayna, The nights have been dragging on. Her sleep pattern has basically become non-existent as she keeps having these awful, vivid nightmares. She would dream about the man before, the man who has no face, and no voice. She has often called him the shadow. The dreams however, had stopped. She hadn’t seen his shadow in years. Why are they back now? What did she do to make them re appear? Paul has had his fair share of doubts about Shayna and her fear of the dark. He knows that she has been traumatized, and he understands that, however, he seems to get highly irritated when she tells him to turn on a light, or leave a door open. They have fought about it before, as a matter of fact, it is the subject of most of their fights. He can’t see why she won’t do anything about it, since she is a doctor and everything. She knows that it has hurt her marriage, but doesn’t think that anything will help at this point. She has dealt with this for most of her life, and just wants to deal with it on her own. Paul was starting to worry, about Shayna, their marriage, and how she was dealing with her stress. He felt she was using her work as a release that she wasn’t talking to him. All her energy was at the hospital, and when she got home she was on edge, going to bed early, leaving all the lights in the house on. Shayna is starting to run on nothing but coffee and the occasional meal. She is jittery, scrambled and unfocused. At the hospital, people are beginning to wonder what is wrong with her. Usually she is on top of her game, catching things other doctors have missed, chatting with the nurses, going on runs, and her favorite thing, getting to know her patients. She has been distant, un-like herself. Shayna has no idea what is happening to her.

            “Shay, you gotta get up, its close to six… you really gotta get going.” Paul nudged her, trying to get her up. This was odd for Paul; usually Shayna would be wide-awake by six, poking him, tickling him to get him out of bed. This time he had to wake her up. He couldn’t do it, not like she did. He was half angry with her as it was, and he couldn’t even begin to imagine how he could be all sweet and romantic right now. “Ok, I’m up. Six? Really?” She questioned. He could hear the disappointment in her voice. She hated being late. She hated not being the first awake. She hated that he was angry. She got out of bed, rummaged through her closet to find what she considered to be descent work clothes, ran to the bathroom, turned on the shower and cried. She was loosing all control she had in her life, for what? For this shadow in her dreams? She realized that she was hurting Paul more that anything, and if it wasn’t for him she most likely wouldn’t be alive today. Paul left for work without saying a word. He knew that she was upset, but he wasn’t starting to feel bad. He already felt bad, for himself. His life was falling apart. Shayna was the only girl that Paul had ever loved. He always thought that she would be there forever, and he never imagined this would happen.

            “Dr. Miner, please report to Curtain one, Dr. Miner curtain one.” The PA system blared again, this time with a more urgent sound. Shayna was dazed. She was standing in the staff room, her eyes glazing over. She couldn’t seem to move. “Shayna, are you hearing that?” Nancy asked concerned. Shayna snapped out of it, gave Nancy a slight smile, and ran to curtain one. “ What’s going on? “ As soon as she gets there she sees an empty bed where her patient used to lay. “He went AWOL. As soon as you left, he did too.” A nearby nurse shouting from the other side of the room. “That’s impossible, he has tests, the results aren’t back yet on the ones we did, and there are so many more. Why would he do that?” Shayna started to freak out a little. This was the man she had been seeing for some time. He has some sort of lung disease, and he has been back to her many times to try to figure things out. He is a nice man, always asks her how she is, and how her husband got to marry a beautiful woman like her. Why would he run out on what they had started? She couldn’t understand with his health in jeopardy why he would just give up. He never ran out before. He was all for his wellness. They had built a relationship, he can’t just abandon that. Tears started to run down her face, she knew exactly how he felt. “Paul, hey its me. No, I’m not ok. I’m sorry that I have hurt you. I know I need to take care of myself and our marriage. I love you so much. I will see you at home.” Shayna had realized that Mr. Grey leaving had triggered everything in her mind that she had been doing. Her husband was unhappy because of her fear; she was going to lose him like she did Mr. Grey. She couldn’t let that happen.

            She left the hospital early that Thursday. She wanted to go home, get cleaned up and make some phone calls. She needed to clean up her life. She cleaned her house, including the always-messy bedroom. She now was ready to sit down and make the phone call. She was going in to a therapist that specializes in fears. She had recommended him to several of her patients over the years, and decided it wouldn’t hurt to try. A few hours passed, and she was sitting on the couch waiting for Paul to come home. She was going to surprise him, take him out to dinner and express her deepest apologies. Paul walks in the door. There was silence, none of his usual banter, no I love you. She was concerned. In all the years they had been married, he always said I love you when he walked in the door. She stood up, looking at him with a concerned face. He ran up to her and gave her the most passionate kiss that he had ever given her. She pulled back, and all he could do was smile, and then pulled her back into it. Finally, he pulled away, smiled, and all he could say was “I love you.”  “I know that I have completely screwed up our relationship, in all the years we have had one, I took all of my fears alone. I promised to love and cherish you, and that is what I will do. I want to take you out to dinner, I have something I want to tell you, plus I want to hear about your day and… “ Paul interjected. “Out? Are you kidding me? You have to tell me now.” “Fine… I called Dr. Kellerman today, the therapist, I’m going in on Tuesday, we are going to figure out what my dreams are, and if my fear of the dark can go away.” Paul didn’t know what to say. He knew that she was going to do something awesome, but this was beyond his expectations. “I love you.” That’s really all Paul could say. “I’ll tell you what, how about we order in, watch The Die Hard Trilogy, and we can just be.” Shayna knew that if Paul had mentioned the Die Hard Trilogy, everything was going to be OK. She agreed. They ordered some Pizza, Rudy’s of course, and sat together on the couch for the duration of the evening.

            It was getting late, Paul had already zonked out during Die Harder, and Shayna was perfectly content with lying there in Paul’s arms. However, she was starting to be in pain from sitting in the same position for almost four hours. The movie had ended and the credits were rolling. She decided to wake up Paul to go to bed. “Thud”. A large noise came from the upstairs that woke Paul, and made Shayna shutter. “What was that?” Paul asked Shayna half awake. “I have no idea.” “Well, I better go check it out, most likely the window just fell shut from the wind.” Paul was going to get up when Shayna pulled his arm. He continued to the stairs. Shayna was alone, in the dark. She hadn’t thought about it until that second. She yelled up at Paul, telling him to turn on a light. By this time he was half up the stairs and didn’t want to come back down. “Shay, its ok, I’m going upstairs for a second, I will come back down, I will even talk to you the entire time.” Shayna was still worried. Paul started to trail off.  Shayna closed her eyes. All she could she was the shadow. “AHH.” “Thud”. She opened her eyes. She knew that yell; it was Paul’s yell. She couldn’t stand up, she couldn’t even move. She still heard footsteps up the stairs, someone was up there. And now, someone was coming down. –Plot Point Two
                                           Act Three
             Shayna was struck by fear. She could not even begin to fathom what was really happening to her at this moment.  She sat on the couch, shivering, not really because she was cold, but more because she was so scared that not one part of her body could stop moving.  The footsteps have become closer, coming down the stairs, loudly, but they weren’t coming as fast as she expected.  She knew that if she ran now, she could get out the back door, and to the neighbors to call the police. She tried to convince herself of this, that she could actually move. It wasn’t working. She couldn’t do it.  The footsteps were to the bottom of the stairs now. She had a little hope that it would be Paul that he would come down the stairs, jump on the couch next to her, and it would all be fine. These were not Paul’s footsteps however. He was a soft stepper; he would try to be quiet even if no one was there. Even with her eyes closed she could tell someone was standing at the foot of the couch.  She couldn’t open her eyes.  A haunting voice came out of the figure. “Is this why you are afraid of the dark?”                                                                                               
  Shayna couldn’t seem to open her eyes, even after he spoke. She wanted to know who this was, and why he was doing this, but she just couldn’t do it. He stood at the end of the couch, tormenting her. She wouldn’t budge. Finally, he grabbed her by the hair, pulling her off the couch. She fought back. She couldn’t just sit there and do nothing.  She didn’t want to go wherever this man wanted her to go. She still couldn’t seem to get her eyes open, not even for a moment. “Why are you doing this? What do you want from me? She finally screeched. Nothing. Silence. He wasn’t even going to clue her in at this point. He wanted out of this house, there was nothing there for him, and he knew she would freak out, being outside in the dark. How did he know these things? Only the people closest to her knew about her fears, not total lunatic strangers. He grabbed her arms, and dragged her out to the back porch. She gave up fighting back. She knew that if she was going to die today she wanted to go peacefully, and not full of pain.  He forced her to sit in a chair that they Paul and Shayna had got as a wedding present all those years ago. She remembered the chair, how it felt, and the memories that came along with it. She was beginning to calm down. She opened her eyes.

            She looked around for a minute, not seeing the man right away. He was standing behind her; she could feel his breath on the back of her neck. She was startled and began to turn around. He had moved. He didn’t want her to see him, not just yet anyway. He picked up the chair and moved it, doing so without her seeing his face. She was now facing the house, looking at the glass screen door.  There was a little light coming from the inside of the house, it was the black screen from the TV. It never got turned off. She could see the reflection of the man. She couldn’t see his face, but she could see his outline. She knew where he was standing.  He began to talk to her. “Why are you so afraid, Shayna? Look how beautiful it is out here, so serene, so peaceful.” He knew her name. She was startled at this, but then realized it shouldn’t surprise her at all.  “ The dark is perfect.  You can get away with practically anything.” He continued. She could start to recognize the voice a little bit. She couldn’t put a face to it yet, but she knew she had heard it before. After a little while, the DVD player would go to a screen saver, and the whole room would light up blue, Shayna was looking forward to this. She would have more light, and she would be able to see the face of this man. “Who are you? Why are you doing this?”  She starts to ask, calmer than before.  She knew that in minutes she would know who he was.  “I’m just a fan of yours, I have been for a while…” That’s all he would give her for now. The house starts to turn blue. She can see who he is. “Mr. Grey?”
  Owen Grey, the patient from the hospital, the one that she had spent many hours worry over, the one that she left get away, he was the one doing this? “Why? Why you?” She had never been so confused, so hurt, and had never felt so lied to. Mr. Grey was one of the nicest patients she had ever had. He always made the time to talk to her, to ask her how she was, and how her husband was lucky enough to marry such a beautiful girl. Her head was spinning, she could not fathom this.  Was this really happening to her? She turned around to see him, to see what he was really trying to do. “Do you remember when you were four Shayna? Do you remember what happened?” She looked at him, puzzled.  How could he possibly know that? “Yes, I remember but how did you” He cut her off before she could finish. “ I was there that night. I was the one who killed your father,” She just looked at him, tears beginning to form. “ I saw you in the park earlier that day.  You were on the swings with your dad behind you.  He had stepped away for a moment, and I was walking up behind you. Your dad came back and hassled me, like I was doing something wrong.” She began to realize that the nice Mr. Grey that she knew was a lie. There was nothing nice or friendly about this guy. He was telling her he tried to kidnap her as a child, and her dad got in the way, he then stalked her all these years, and is waiting to make his move, to do what exactly? She started in on him, tears running rapidly, “Why, what do you want from me?” He just stared her down, the eyes that she used to know, and used to be comforted by have just turned into the devils eyes. “ You need to pay for all the years of pain you have caused me. I have loved only one person in life, and that is your fault, you caused this.”                                                                                                                                    Again, Shayna is scared to the point that she cannot move. She cannot do anything but think about all of this, why this is happening, and why to her. She looks up to the glass again. A sigh of relief leaves her lips. Paul is stumbling down the stairs.  He is dripping with blood; he had been stabbed in the stomach, but was still coming to her rescue. He had one had over his stomach and a phone in the other. He motioned at her, to be quiet. She obeyed. Owen was standing behind her still, not noticing Paul coming towards the door. Owen looked up again, seeing Paul this time, and seconds later the door was broken down, the cops had arrived.  Owen dropped to his knees right in front of Shayna, expressing his love to her. Not the romantic kind of love, but the fatherly kind.  She couldn’t even look at him; he pulled a gun out, and tried to shoot Shayna, but was tackled in the nick of time.  The EMTs had pulled in to check on Paul. They were stern with him that he needed to go to the hospital right now, and didn’t have a choice. Shayna had suffered a headache, and a few bruises, but she was fine. “Wow, its really dark in here Shay.” Paul added sarcastically. “I love you,” she added, giving him a little glare. He was off to the hospital; she grabbed her keys and was going to follow behind.
  All of a sudden she feels calm. A sort of calm that she hadn’t felt in 28 years. The only light that was on was the light from the TV, and this time she didn’t care.  She decided to go flip on a light, so she could find her purse, and get going to the hospital. She walked over to the light, and a voice comes out from nowhere. “ I wouldn’t turn that on it if I were you…” Mr. Grey was standing behind her. Before she could even understand what was happening, he shot her. As she was falling down, she saw the cop car with the doors open and the cop on the ground. “Now, you don’t have anything to fear in the dark.”

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Adaptation

I do not know how people can adapt something that someone else wrote for a screenplay. That is probably the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life. 

I was assigned to rewrite "Coyote Blue" by Christopher Moore. His novels are really unique and awesome, and I was thrilled to attempt this. I just did not want to butcher another persons work. This also was during a summer session, which was accelerated and pushed into two months instead of the usual four. Needless to say, I was under severe pressure. 

I remember being in Tacoma for a wedding, and I had to spend the evening at Starbucks attempting to finish this final rewrite. At this time, Starbucks charged for using the WIFI, so I kept having to put money on my Starbucks card in order to have enough time to finish. 

Luckily, this process worked and I was able to write the remainder of my adaptation, but this was the trickiest thing I've ever encountered as a film student. 

I think if I were to write a novel, I would have to write my own screenplay, if that were the direction I was choosing to go. "Adapted to Screen By" is a really cool thing for your name to follow, but even when doing it for just an assignment, I felt like I was ripping apart what the book came together as. To write an adaptation you have to have a lot of patience, and realize that this isn't YOUR story. This is someone else's and they just want you to put it on different paper. 

I wonder is Christopher Moore is aware that students adapt his book, and if so, if he ever reads them. I'd be embarrassed to find out one day that he has, and mine was in the stack. 


Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Stuff and Things. Rick Grimes style.

This is not a Walking Dead post. Everytime I use "Stuff and things" I just think of Rick, and some of the ridiculous tumblr posts




Up until recently, I wasn't exactly sure which direction my life was taking. In complete honesty, I didn't know if there was going to be a life worth living in my future. When bad things happen, I have a really hard time looking at the good. Also, I feel like the bad was overshadowing the good. My boyfriend left me, I couldn't continue going to school, I hated my job, I was struggling with friends, I'm broke 99.9% of the time, I had gained some weight…. the list just kept on going.

With all of this on my plate, and tired of feeling like shit all the time, I decided to change things.

 I got a gym membership, and have been going at least four days out of the week. I changed my eating habits, I've been soda free since the beginning of August, and I only eat fast food sparingly, if at all.

I got a call about being able to graduate.

I think that made a huge chunk of my life come together.

Fast forward to right now:

1. I found an editor for my screenplays.
Thanks to the awesomeness that is twtter, I was able to ask a wonderful geeky gal if she would be interested in editing my stuff. I've been following her for a long while, and she has been super nice and very fair with her pricing. I'm excited to have my stuff one step closer to being sellable.

2. I got an email from Jeremy, the wonderful comic artist, who basically told me he wants dibs on all of my ideas. He wants to do more books, and even wants to release the book we did together as its own comic. SO STOKED.
I didn't know if I was going to have to put my comic dreams to rest, but it looks like they will still live on. Now, I just need to write.

3. For a graduation present, I purchased myself an IPad Air.  32gb, brand new and beautiful. Entirely too expensive, and I probably shouldn't have, but I feel this will be a good investment for my future. I had an IPad mini at one point, and I got it through AT&T. It was way too expensive to keep on that plan, so I returned it. This one I just bought through apple, so I can use it on the wifi and it won't make the phone bill go sky high. I should be recieving it around Christmas Eve.

4. I have a wonderful core group of friends, that have been with me and amazing the past couple of months.

Things have gotten better, and are continuing to get better.

I can't wait to see where life takes me. Which is something I didn't expect to want.

Sidenote:
I haven't been able to enjoy the Walking Dead at all this season. I haven't watched it because of my heartbreak… I'm hoping I get over it enough to watch it before it comes back from hiatus.


Monday, December 9, 2013

Jason Manns. Music.









For quite sometime now, I have been obsessed with a musician named Jason Manns. He is based in Los Angeles, and I'm not going to lie, he is pretty dang adorable. I got introduced to him completely by accident. I was on YouTube, searching Supernatural, mainly for gag reels, and behind the scenes type stuff, when I ran into Jensen Ackles singing. Obviously, I had to stick around to watch it, and well, dang. He really can sing. He was singing with someone, a taller, curly haired guitar playing dude with a n absolutely beautiful voice. His name was mentioned in the description box, and from then on I began my fangirling.


At this point, he wasn't as known as he is now. He actually added people on his personal Facebook page, and I was one of them. I felt awesome knowing that I was his friend, even if I wasn't really his friend. I ordered every one of his CDs off of his website, along with a Tshirt, a pick card, and a poster. The poster and CDs were autographed, and personalized. This did not help my fangirl self one bit.
Now, this boy also had extreme talent. He could sing, play the guitar, and occasionally beat box. His music has always spoken to me, so much so that one of my favorite songs is tattooed on my forearm. (there's not really a flattering angle to take that photo)



When my mom passed away, I put some of his music on her slideshow, because she loved him almost as much as I did. I left him a note on his Facebook page letting him know he was played and how much it meant to me that his music, was well.. out there and allowed to be played. He sent me a personal message telling me how sorry for my loss he was, and that he felt honored to be played. If you didn't love him before, now you have to be sold.

I couldn't listen to his music for a little while after my break up. I just recently hit that point where I can again, and "let it go" played first thing.

http://youtu.be/MLW715ZpL4w


I left a link there, because you should honestly go listen to this song. There are a few things that I need to let go of, and this was just the reminder that I needed. It's like a lightbulb went off.

"It doesn't entertain me like it used to, and I don't understand it like I used to, I let it go."
I feel this way about a lot of things in my life. I feel this way about my job, about my ex relationship, about a few friendships. I think just saying these words out loud made me realize that I do indeed need to let things go. I have a way of being stubborn, and wanting to hold on, but if it is not doing me any good, it needs to go.

I suggest going to listen to all of Jason Manns' music. It is available on ITUNES, or just hit me up, I do have it all. Maybe Jason himself will run across this blog one day. Who knows?

Thank you Supernatural for introducing me to my favorite artist of all time.

TV shows do good things, people. Good things.