Nerd Identity Crisis

I've spent a lot of time over the past few months trying to define, or redefine myself. I went through a bit of an identity crisis. My morals and values have stayed the same, and for the most part I'm the same person, but I guess I was more concerned with whether I fit in with a certain group or not.

Openly, I am a nerd. I read and write comic books, I obsess over certain movies and television shows, and I adore Wil Wheaton. I like Star Trek, Star Wars, Superheros, video games, (even though I rarely get to play them) action figures, and Conventions. I liked Supernatural way before Hot Topic carried the merchandise,  I went to film school, I can recite almost every episode of Psych, Jack Bauer is my hero

From this list, it is obvious where I fit in. There has been so much shit on the "fake geek girl" running around the Internet, and I got to thinking… maybe I'm not as nerdy as I think I am. This thought strain mainly from my breakup. I dated a boy who worked at a comic shop, and was a huge gaming nerd. I was never as nerdy as him, but I also vowed to never play Magic: The Gathering. Our relationship was filled with geeky things, we even had key chains that said "I Love You" and "I Know." I thought we were the perfect nerd couple, and getting out of it I see that obviously it wasn't perfect, but I never could compare with him. I couldn't compare to any of the girls who hit on him at the shop constantly, and even now I can't compare to his new girlfriend.

I compared my self so much to others that I forgot that I am the one that is important in this scenario. It is what I love that makes me a nerd. You can be a nerd for almost anything, I just happen to like a lot of what the nerd world has out there.

I know that it is silly to label yourself.

I've decided I do not give a shit. I am proudly a member of the geek community, and I will take that for what it is.

I have the Star Trek insignia tattooed on my chest, and I will wear it proud.

Geek girl out.

Weight Loss. Achievement Unlocked.

As it turns out, I've achieved my first weight loss goal and have officially dropped 30 pounds. For me, this is extra good news. I have been working my butt off to see some sort of improvement, and I have. I've been going to the gym at least five times a week. I go for a little over an hour, in which I burn over 1000 calories. My food intake hasn't changed much, but I know that it needs to. Especially considering that I eat out way more than I should. I did however, give up soda. I haven't had one since August 1st, unless you could the little bit of ginger ale with whiskey. I also minimized my fast food intake, extremely. I've only had it a handful of times since August, and it wasn't a ton of it.

I tell you all of this, for no reason other than the fact that I am proud of myself and my progress. I still have a hard time seeing it in myself, although I did post a picture on instagram from July and now and I can sorta see it.

I started this weight loss because I was tired of feeling bad about myself. With being dumped, I had a huge purge in my self esteem, which wasn't that great to begin with. I'm now in a place where I am grasping my life, and doing things for me, not for anyone or that asshole of a boy I used to love. There is even a new boy I have taken interest in, and hopefully I will be able to track him down and give him my number soon.

All in all, I feel well. I'm also a living mantra of Mr. Feeny's "Do Good."

New Year.. New Direction

How in the world is it already 2014?

I feel like the majority of 2013 was completely stolen from me.

2014, I'm owning it.

I've decided to only better myself this year. I plan to make myself a better person, and to continue to learn and grow as a screenwriter. Also, as a person.

I plan to get my act together and start a brand new screenplay within the next few months. I'm also going to write it as if it was an assignment, or a job. I'm going to make myself have deadlines and due dates, and I'm going to stick to them. I always found when I had a due date, I was better about finishing the task.

I'm also going to start my job search seriously. This will be much easier when my dipolma is in hand, but I need to start looking and seeing what is out there, and where it is.

I'm not completely against relocation, but there are things that are keeping me where I am at. My dad for one, friends for another, and a general satisfaction with my town. I think that if I do end up in the Seattle area, or even Portland, I'd be ok too.

I'm excited to dive into this year, and see what I can teach myself.

I mean, just in a few months I shot myself into gear, and I've come so far.

Hold on, It's going to be one excellent ride.

IPad and lulls

I got my ipad.

 

It came in the mail on Thursday, and I have spent the last couple of days playing with it. Probably one of the best purchases I have made. Especially since my laptop is out of commission right now. 

I haven't been able to daily blog for a couple of reasons. 

1. I can't get into my writing on my laptop currently. 

2. I've been pretty busy. With going to work, going to the gym, and attempting to be social, I haven't had the time to sit down and write. 

I've been really good about taking the time that I need to write daily, it's just the past week I've been feeling kind of in a lull. Maybe it's the time of the year, or just being busy. 

After the holiday, I plan to spend more time at Starbucks. Work hours will go down a little bit, which will let me write and search for jobs. 

I at least want to have a comic book completed by the end of January, and a new screenplay started. 

I guess those will be my New Years resolutions. 

Anger fuel

I've struggled with anger due to my broken heart for a while now, and I wasn't really doing anything with it, except letting it sink in and destroy the good parts in my life. It wasn't until recently when I decided to use this anger, use it for good and powerful things, that I noticed a change in my attitude. 

For example, today I dealt with student loan repayment plans. That in itself is a headache, but when they want your payments to be 711... It's way worse. Yes, seven hundred and eleven dollars. Monthly.

After talking with them and figuring things out, I was extremely frustrated. I wish I had my degree in hand, or that I could easily walk into a career, but it's harder than that. I decided to take my anger out at the gym. Best idea ever. 

Usually I go to the gym and work through what I'm feeling. I question why I'm feeling it, and if it's helpful to me. If it's not, I like to just explore it and (try) to let it go. 

My job situation will change. I will find something in my related field, or something that I love. Until that point, they will work with me on payments so I can pay on my loans and still afford to live. 

During my workout, I was focusing on this, and my future. I also unknowingly spent thirty minutes on one machine and burned over 500 calories. 

Dang. And hour and I burned my 1000. 

Workout done. 

It was so easy.

All because I was focused on a problem the entire time. 

The crazy thing? I left the gym feeling better, and even got a call for a job interview in the beginning of the new year. 

Anger fuels. 

It won't always run my life, or ignite such a fire, but for now. 

Burn it down. 

Unfortunate laptop charger event

So my laptop charger died, and I'm trying to conserve my battery life, so I'm blogging from my phone. It's not so bad, I just don't have any of my files on my phone, so I can't really share any work for the time being. 

I should be receiving my ipad on Thursday, and then will get all the apps, and put my writing on it, so I'll be able to access it easier, and won't have to worry about my laptop for a while. I will buy a new charger, but with Christmas right by, it isn't feasable for me to purchase one. I found some on amazon for about 20 bucks which is way better than the 79 apple wants for them. 

I went out last night to celebrate my new found student-less status, and I had a wonderful time. I got drunk and had a wee bit of a hangover today, but it was totally worth it. Going out and having fun, forgetting all my troubles is something I don't do very well, so when it happens, it's really good. I even went to the gym today and burned my 1000 calories. 

Tomorrow is my day off, so I'm going to the doctor and doing some Christmas shopping. With any luck I'll find my brother something awesome, and slightly inexpensive seeing as I'm quite poor at the moment. 

I hope that tomorrow I actually have something more to blog than just about my day, but I feel like I would let myself down if I didn't at least write something! 

I'm going to watch Supernatural until I fall asleep. 

If I can end my day with the Winchesters, I'd say it's a win. 

Comic book hopes and dreams

After my writing hiatus, I realized how much I enjoy writing comic books. Now, I've written three or four, and two of which were for classes. That is how I learned to write them, but I feel like the ones I wrote in class were super awesome, so I count them as real. I have a list of premise ideas, things that I can turn into comics at anytime, which is super helpful. If I feel like I have zero new ideas, I can go back to my old premise sheet and go from there.

This new comic that I sent off to Jeremy (Still waiting to hear if he likes it) is one that I'm really proud of. It isn't necessarily horror, but I still put my weird flare in it. I actually did write this one in class a few years ago, this was my first full length comic, and as nerve wracking as that was, I did pull off an A and even my professor told me I could do this as a living if I wanted to.

I'm thinking it would be awesome to have a booth at Spokane Comic Con again, to sit in the chair and feel important, seeing as last year I had to miss it due to extreme heart break and embarassment, It would be well worth the wait.


Maybe I'll even get myself a booth at Emerald City Comic Con one day.


Here's to hopes and dreams.